See Ya
by Clare Bautista
Summary: Is it a dream? Or isn't it?


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See Ya

written by Clare Bautista

The temptation to drink himself to sleep again was so great that it almost overwhelmed him. The half a bottle of Scotch he had left sat on top of his end table seemed to be beckoning to him and saying, "Drink me, drink me!" Jack walked toward the table and picked up the bottle. He started to twist the cap but then he quickly twisted it back again, putting the bottle down. 'No, not tonight.' he thought. Tonight, he didn't want his usual dreamless, drunken sleep. Tonight, he would allow himself the chance to dream of her, of Claire.

Slowly, mechanically, Jack got undressed and ready for bed. But even as he did this simple thing, he felt so empty. Nowadays, life for Jack McCoy wasn't a life at all --- it was just an endless succession of dull gray. It had been that way ever since Claire died. Only work provided some color and that was only when he was in the courtroom. Once he was back in the office, the memories of Claire erased everything including whatever spark of life had come to him in the courtroom. Jack McCoy didn't really live anymore, he just existed.

Finally, he was ready for bed. But he didn't immediately get under the covers. He resisted the urge to take out the picture of Claire that he knew was in the drawer of his nightstand. He clenched his hands into fists, as they were itching to take the picture out and instead, just buried his head on his large hands. After a moment, he finally forced himself to try and get some much needed sleep.

Another lonely night for Jack McCoy. Another night without Claire Kincaid beside him. He missed her so much, it was almost a physical pain. If only he could talk to her one more time, if only he could tell her how sorry he was, and most of all if only he could tell her one more time how much he loved her.

Jack closed his eyes tight, as he felt the tears threaten to come. He flattened his pillow and determinedly made himself try to sleep. But even as he did this, he spoke in his mind and his heart, "I love you, Claire, please, please come to me." 

*****

Suddenly, Jack is awakened by an unexpected chill in the air. He forced himself to sit up and told himself to stand up and adjust his heater temperature. 

He made a move to stand up and froze instead at the sight in front of him. All of his hairs were standing on end and yet felt no fear. It was Claire. She was there on her side of the bed. He looked at her and she smiled that dazzling smile of hers and said, "Hi, Jack."

Jack could barely find his voice, but he managed to choke out, "Claire? Is it really you?"

"Yes, Jack, it's me."

"But you're --- I mean, is this a dream?"

Claire just smiled. "You asked me to come Jack, and I've come."

A tear slid out of the corner of Jack's eye as he cried out, "Oh, Claire, I miss you so much and I'm so sorry!"

Claire stood up then and went around to sit herself beside Jack. As she walked to his side, Jack 

notices what she's wearing for the first time. Her clothes looked like silk white pajamas that were so luminous that she seemed to be glowing. She looked like an angel. 

Claire embraced Jack. "Oh Jack, I know, I know my darling. That's why I'm here to let you know that it's okay. That I'm in a happy place and that even though I'm not with you, I still am, always."

Jack was still crying silently and the two were silent for a moment. Then Claire released him and Jack just stared at her, his eyes still bright with tears. Claire reached up then, wiping away his tears. "Jack, I will always be with you, I promise." She told him, smiling. 

Jack sees her smiling so openly and unabashedly at him, that his guilt overflowed to the surface. "Claire, I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. If it wasn't for me, you would have never come to that bar. If I hadn't paged you, or at the very least, I should have been more patient, I should have waited for you, I shouldn't have said the hell with you, Claire, I'm sorry, it was all my fault -- if it wasn't for me, you'd still be here. I'm so sorry Claire, I love you so much. Please forgive me."

Jack's eyes pleaded for her forgiveness. But Claire just shook her head and replied, "There is nothing to forgive Jack. I know you love me and I love you too... You made me very happy, Jack."

"How can you love me after what I did you? After -" Jack couldn't go on.

"Jack." Claire put the crook of her finger under his chin, lifting his face to look at her while her other hand held his, "Jack, all I remember is love --- you loving me, and me loving you, the rest doesn't matter."

"I miss you so much, Claire. Please, let me come with you. Wherever you are, take me there with you. Please --- a life without you is no life at all." 

Again, Clare shook her head. "I can't, Jack, it's not your time. If I take you with me, you will die. And I can't let that happen. You still have so much to live for, you still have so much life ahead of you." 

"Life?" Jack choked out bitterly. "What life?"

"Jack it isn't your time. " Claire told him gently, yet firmly. "I can't take you with me."

"Please, I love you."

Claire smiled once more. "I love you too. Always remember that and keep it with you in your heart. We'll be together again one day, Jack, I promise, just not today. And until that day, remember that I will always be with you."

Tears began to slide down Jack's cheeks again. Claire leaned forward, kissing him softly once on the lips. Then she stood up and as she turned to leave, she touched his cheek one more time. "See ya, Jack. I love you," she whispered. 

With that Claire walked to Jack's window and opened it. Suddenly, a bright light shone from the outside. It doesn't blind Jack, however. And despite its brightness and he felt no heat. Claire turned to face Jack once more smiling, not saying anything now and started to fade.

Jack realized she was disappearing, abruptly jumped out of his bed and ran to the window to try and stop her. But his legs were suddenly seemed made of lead and he couldn't move from where he was. "Claire, no! Don't leave me, please I love you!" Jack cried out after her.

But Claire just continued to smile at him and remained silent as she continued to fade until finally she was gone. The room went dark then. Jack sat back down on his bed and sleep almost immediately overpowers him.

*****

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! 

What was that? Opening his eyes, he realized it was his alarm clock. Groaning, he sat up and reached over his night table to turn off the alarm. As he did, the covers slip from his torso and a blast of cold air suddenly chills him. How is that possible? It was sunny and the windows were....he looked towards his windows...they were open!!! 

Instinct made him stand up at once and give his room a once over. Everything looked like it was in place. No signs of break ins or anything missing as far as he could tell. Then he remembered. Last night. Claire. Could it be? Wasn't it just a dream? 

He walked around his room, still looking for signs of anything amiss but he could find none. It wasn't until he was at his end table that he saw it. His bottle of Scotch was empty. And yet he distinctly remembered as he was being tempted to drink it last night, he still had half a bottle left. He was never one to throw away good Scotch, what happened to it? Taking the bottle with him, he searched the living room of his apartment ---everything was okay---before going back to his bedroom. He looked at the bottle of Scotch again that he held --- empty. And no items missing, despite the open window. 

'Could it be?' he thought, as he stared at the bottle. Claire had always hated his drinking. 

He put the bottle down on top the end table and walked towards the open window. He let the cold air slap him awake as he looked at the clear winter sky above the New York skyline. Had it just been a dream? He wondered. 

Just as he finished that thought, a reflection of Claire's face appeared to dance across the sunlit sky and a soft voice seemed to whisper in his ear, "See ya, Jack. I love you."

At that, Jack suddenly felt as if a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He was feeling lighter and better than he had in months. Jack smiled then, something, he hadn't done in a long time, looked up in the sky and whispers, "I love you, too, see ya."

He closed the window, then and took of Scotch from the table, throwing it into the trash can. Then, Jack McCoy started to get ready for another day. He smiled again. Everything was going to be okay. Claire was with him.


End file.
